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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672533">pseudo-hope syndrome</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightbutlers/pseuds/daisy'>daisy (midnightbutlers)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Clothed Sex, Grinding, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pre-Canon, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:26:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672533</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightbutlers/pseuds/daisy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"i finally understood the pain when we held each other, and it makes me not want to know myself." </p>
<p>second year izuleo and their relationship, broken beyond comprehension.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sena Izumi/Tsukinaga Leo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>pseudo-hope syndrome</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>"but let's get out of here again, let's ease the pain. <br/>you need to be kinder to yourself." </p>
<p>kept as mature since its 50% clothed smut(?) and 50% izumi crying<br/>please heed the tags before you read</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"sena, <em>sena−</em>" leo mewled, hands gripping the back of his shirt for dear life. </p>
<p>“<em>that’s it</em>, i’ve got you, leo-kun.” he smiled, letting out a moan of his own. leo was so sensitive, any movement of his hips against his had the smaller boy practically shaking in his grasp. it was taking all his mental restraint not to undress him then and there, instead wanting to see him simply fall apart like this. </p>
<p>izumi brought his free hand to leo’s chin, bringing him in for a kiss. it was a kiss full of desperation, tongues battling against each other for some sort of control before melting into its warmth.</p>
<p>the emptiness when they parted stung for only a moment. he let his hands rest at leo’s sides, running his hands up and down his jacket. the light touch was a stark contrast to how eagerly they were rocking against each other. the duo didn’t even bother to take their pants off, too far-gone by this point to change the pace.</p>
<p>“ngh…” leo shuddered at his touch, “you’re so good sena. i, <em>haah</em>, love you so much…” izumi chuckled. </p>
<p>“you like that?” leo nodded, his needy whines having no shame whatsoever. he moved against him, desperately seeking any sort of friction. ”<em>more, sena, more!</em>” who was he to say no? izumi obliged instantly, steeling a hand on leo’s lower back, allowing the other boy’s clothed crotch to rub against his directly every time. the relief was instant, his own thoughts going to mush.</p>
<p>it was like this every time. he'd show up wanting to visit leo (or a shell of what remained of him), provide his little sister with empty promises about getting him back to normal, try to get leo to open up to him again if just a <em>little-</em></p>
<p>and then somewhere along the way, leo would give him that look, tell him how beautiful he was and <em>fuck</em>, izumi could never resist him.</p>
<p>"mm, sena's the prettiest person in the universe." leo hummed, "'made so much songs for you today…"</p>
<p>"really?" he bit down lightly on leo's ear, receiving a broken whine in response, "i want to hear them all." </p>
<p>"later, i want...i want only sena to hear because," the ginger was practically shivering him his hold, subconsciously grinding their lengths together even more, "e-everything i make is for sena's ears only. you make the voices come back for a little…"</p>
<p><em>you also make them come back aggressive, spiteful</em> went unsaid, but izumi already knew. </p>
<p>"i'm your inspiration? <em>fuck.</em>" </p>
<p>leo nodded fervently, small moans leaving his mouth, "<em>yeah.</em> sena's like a diamond, s-so pretty and worth the world. don't want a-anyone else to have you, sena, <em>sena.</em>"</p>
<p>"i could say the same for you." he snapped his hips upwards, their desperate whines mixing together to form the world's most deranged symphony, "you're all mine, leo-kun. not tenshouin's, all <em>mine.</em>"</p>
<p>at this point, leo was too far gone to form anything coherent. he just kept repeating izumi's name, every needy "<em>sena</em>" sounding so sweet in his ears. his grip tightened, signalling to the model that he was getting close. izumi could feel himself on the edge too, lowering his mouth to leo’s neck. </p>
<p>"let me hear your voice, leo-kun." he pressed a kiss to his neck, "i want to have your <em>everything.</em>" he bit down on the skin, sucking into it. the high-pitched moan that left leo's mouth spurred him on further, mumbling an "<em>my</em> leo-kun" against his neck.</p>
<p>it took him a few moments to collect his breath again, panting as he opened his eyes. he'd probably regret cumming in his pants later, but right now he felt too high to come down. </p>
<p>gaze settling on the boy on his lap, leo looked much worse off than him. he watched his chest rise with his labored breaths, quiet whines leaving him until he got it all out of his system. he matched izumi's gaze, eyes clouded over as he stared owlishly at him. </p>
<p>izumi doubted leo could sit up much longer. his grip on izumi's shirt was slowly dwindling, and his gaze becoming much more unfocused. </p>
<p>he laid leo down onto his bed, trying to be as delicate with him as possible.</p>
<p>"sena…" he felt the ginger haired boy tug on his sleeve, face screwed up in minute displeasure, "'m too hot…'ts too stuffy…" </p>
<p>it took him a moment to process the information, nodding slowly. "o-okay. i can help with that." he brought a hand behind leo's back, holding him up slightly as he attempted to shimmy his jacket off. leo didn’t fight back at all, simply laying like a ragdoll for izumi’s sake.</p>
<p>he threw the jacket elsewhere, leaving leo in his plain white t-shirt. it was from there that izumi got his first <em>proper</em> look at leo that day, and that feeling of dread he’d been repressing hit him all at once, like a truck. </p>
<p>his hands were the same as ever, bitten and bruised from unfinished, ugly melodies he tried but could make <em>right</em>. some had scarred over since the last time he came - probably tenshouin or mikejima’s doing, he figured. he’d gotten so used to seeing those small hands of their precious king torn over by wielding his blade, mishandling it and being attacked for it in return. that wasn’t all he was greeted by though. izumi’s eyes wandered, bile in his throat rising.</p>
<p>red lines ran across leo’s forearms, marred and angry. <em>a cut for every person that i poured love out to, but never returned it</em> he could imagine leo thinking...though he could never tell what the ginger haired boy was thinking nowadays. did he even know before he’d fucked it up? izumi considered throwing out his shit, any of the things he could use to do this to himself, but the incoherent whimpers and sobs that came out of leo the last time he tried that stopped him from ever doing it again.</p>
<p>it’s not like he had any right to stop leo anyway. after all, izumi was the reason he was like this, right? </p>
<p>“leo-kun…” izumi could feel himself tearing up, “i’m so, <em>so</em>, sorry leo-kun.” this happened every time he came over, didn’t it? how many times had he apologised, only to end up fucking leo until he was broken all over again, he wondered. he knew how shitty it was - certainly leo did too. he was supposed to be a knight, supposed to protect their king and yet he was the one drawing his own sword on him. <em>protect our king</em> felt like pure sophistry, bullshit he consistently failed to live up to. if only the rest of knights could see him now.</p>
<p>leo’s expression gave nothing away, simply blinking innocently up at izumi with those green eyes, once full of life. <em>you took that away from him</em> echoed in his mind. izumi lowered himself, letting his body fall on top of leo’s as he wrapped his arms around his small body. he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing anymore, forced to see the mess he’d made. </p>
<p>“i’m sorry leo-kun...i’m sorry.” he repeated, burying his face in the other boy’s shoulder. leo’s t-shirt was getting damp, though if he minded it, he didn’t show it. at some point through the tears and the apologies, leo had wrapped his own arms around izumi’s frame, wordlessly hugging him back. izumi found himself crying harder at the other boy’s gentleness, body wracking in his grasp. </p>
<p>in this game of chess between them, there truly <em>was</em> no winning, was there? just loss, after loss, after painful loss. izumi had resigned himself to it. he supposed leo had too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>pseudo hope syndrome lyrics from the vocaloidlyric wiki :) all credit there</p></blockquote></div></div>
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